dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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