my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
