I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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