I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
