How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
