respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
