dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
