we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
