Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
