Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
