he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
