covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
