Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
