So drunk its hurt
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
