i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
