dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
