So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Vodka?
Forever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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