We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
