you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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