I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
