Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
