to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
