I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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