dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
