I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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