well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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