Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
