This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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