It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
