Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?

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(323): View more from California

forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell

(310): View more from California

my version of bright and sunny.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(908): View more from New Jersey

there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

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(907): View more from Alaska

The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

(907): View more from Alaska

Nevermind, it's not water.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Have you considered murder?

(757): View more from Virginia

Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy

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