all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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