So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
