my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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