my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
