were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
