then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
