If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
