Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
