there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
