i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
These tits shall not be calmed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
