how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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