I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
