If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
