Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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