Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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