whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
