I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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