I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
