This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
