I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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