maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
